Comments on: Things we don’t talk about in the Church http://damonsnyder.com/archives/2005/12/19/things-we-dont-talk-about-in-the-church/ Thoughts on life, faith, and technology in a first world context. Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:18:14 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.4 by: Mikoe O http://damonsnyder.com/archives/2005/12/19/things-we-dont-talk-about-in-the-church/#comment-12 Thu, 22 Dec 2005 16:34:16 +0000 http://damonsnyder.com/archives/2005/12/19/things-we-dont-talk-about-in-the-church/#comment-12 Infatuation - infatuation lasts about two years. After that, one has to choose to remain married. Unfortunately, the "church" does not model this, the vast majority of Christians leave a church at two years, because it "doesn't work" and they don't have any friends. The personality types that are attracted to the ministry are characterized as those who can't form commitments past two years. Few (none?) churches make the analytical analysis of allthe friendship links of the staff, see how they are maturing, and proactively keep the "love" alive. After two years, most churches are horribly ingrown, and no new people can break in. Churches need to get beyond the "two year infatuation point", and model it in the lives of their staff, as well as the life of the body of the church. Two Income Trap - this is well documented in a few books out there. In general, women marry "up". And, their kids tend to be half a social class higher than the higher of the two spouses. Economically, the game plan usually goes like this: A. Both work and save money for a down payment. B. Scrape together enough to buy a starter home in a remote suburb (three area codes away!). C. Have a couple of kids (and the drop in income). D. Move to decent suburb, so kids have a chance at a decent college. This move is usually based on the equity in the starter home, and horribly leverages the income of one earner. It requires lots of cars and lots of gas and lots of time. Breaking this cycle involves a mix of homeschooling, private schools (including charters) and public schools. That way, people can live in moderate housing, depend on one less car and less commuting. And, people have the longevity of living in one place, not trading up every few years. Part of the rootlessness of churches stems from the rootlessness caused by the ever-striving moving up. Long Commutes - these take up so much time and emotional energy, that they eat into family and church life. Starter homes are no longer "a couple miles out". Now, there are two hour commutes. Marrying Young - Most pastors marry young. A single pastor is almost unemployable, and seminaries aren't the place to find a bride. So, grab one when you are 21, before you get your Bachelor's degree. As a result, most pastoral marriages model a blue-collar marriage, not the upper-middle class marriage style of most couples. Most laypeople have no problem with the existence of this dichotomy, but time priorities soon take over, and these families build networks outside the church. Infatuation - infatuation lasts about two years. After that, one has to choose to remain married. Unfortunately, the “church” does not model this, the vast majority of Christians leave a church at two years, because it “doesn’t work” and they don’t have any friends. The personality types that are attracted to the ministry are characterized as those who can’t form commitments past two years. Few (none?) churches make the analytical analysis of allthe friendship links of the staff, see how they are maturing, and proactively keep the “love” alive. After two years, most churches are horribly ingrown, and no new people can break in. Churches need to get beyond the “two year infatuation point”, and model it in the lives of their staff, as well as the life of the body of the church.

Two Income Trap - this is well documented in a few books out there. In general, women marry “up”. And, their kids tend to be half a social class higher than the higher of the two spouses. Economically, the game plan usually goes like this: A. Both work and save money for a down payment. B. Scrape together enough to buy a starter home in a remote suburb (three area codes away!). C. Have a couple of kids (and the drop in income). D. Move to decent suburb, so kids have a chance at a decent college. This move is usually based on the equity in the starter home, and horribly leverages the income of one earner. It requires lots of cars and lots of gas and lots of time.

Breaking this cycle involves a mix of homeschooling, private schools (including charters) and public schools. That way, people can live in moderate housing, depend on one less car and less commuting. And, people have the longevity of living in one place, not trading up every few years. Part of the rootlessness of churches stems from the rootlessness caused by the ever-striving moving up.

Long Commutes - these take up so much time and emotional energy, that they eat into family and church life. Starter homes are no longer “a couple miles out”. Now, there are two hour commutes.

Marrying Young - Most pastors marry young. A single pastor is almost unemployable, and seminaries aren’t the place to find a bride. So, grab one when you are 21, before you get your Bachelor’s degree. As a result, most pastoral marriages model a blue-collar marriage, not the upper-middle class marriage style of most couples. Most laypeople have no problem with the existence of this dichotomy, but time priorities soon take over, and these families build networks outside the church.

]]> by: Cindy http://damonsnyder.com/archives/2005/12/19/things-we-dont-talk-about-in-the-church/#comment-11 Thu, 22 Dec 2005 07:05:09 +0000 http://damonsnyder.com/archives/2005/12/19/things-we-dont-talk-about-in-the-church/#comment-11 Who would Jesus bomb? Revelation says that Jesus will 'bomb' a lot of people. Who would Jesus bomb? Revelation says that Jesus will ‘bomb’ a lot of people.

]]> by: Daniel http://damonsnyder.com/archives/2005/12/19/things-we-dont-talk-about-in-the-church/#comment-10 Thu, 22 Dec 2005 07:00:44 +0000 http://damonsnyder.com/archives/2005/12/19/things-we-dont-talk-about-in-the-church/#comment-10 I think we definitely talk about marriage in church. It's talked about all the time in my opinion. As a single person, I actually find it kinda annoying because it's not always applicable. I think we definitely talk about racism also, only it's under the heading of "multi-cultural" or "multi-ethnic" church. In my church, we do talk about war, but perhaps it's not talked about in other churches because they believe something about the war that cannot be reconciled to the bible. Most churches that believe the war is right have preached about it. I've heard on different radio talk shows (I guess this isn't really considered a church, but it is the church) that talk about what a "just war" is. Most of the people who don't talk about it, don't support it and are afraid that other "Christians" who do support it will rail on them. I think we definitely talk about marriage in church. It’s talked about all the time in my opinion. As a single person, I actually find it kinda annoying because it’s not always applicable. I think we definitely talk about racism also, only it’s under the heading of “multi-cultural” or “multi-ethnic” church.

In my church, we do talk about war, but perhaps it’s not talked about in other churches because they believe something about the war that cannot be reconciled to the bible. Most churches that believe the war is right have preached about it. I’ve heard on different radio talk shows (I guess this isn’t really considered a church, but it is the church) that talk about what a “just war” is.

Most of the people who don’t talk about it, don’t support it and are afraid that other “Christians” who do support it will rail on them.

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