I was thinking this morning about some of my own struggles and it occurred to me that there are a lot of things that we don’t really talk about in the Church. When I say this, I don’t mean that they are never talked about but that they are, in my opinion, major issues that should perhaps be opened up for discussion more often. They are major sources of pain, suffering, and alienation (from God, our fellow man, and creation). And in opening them up, my hope would be that communities (including my own) would hold them in one hand, and the bible in the other while in prayer seeking guidance, wisdom, and healing.
Here is what came to mind this morning:
Marriage: I’m looking at this from the perspective of someone who is single. What is marriage all about in the post-enlightenment and post-industrial revolution western world? Is it a financially centered arrangement where you try and maximize the collective earning potential of the couple so that you can afford the house in this hills, the white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog (also known as the American dream)? Is this what God intends for the couple or for marriage? What makes two people compatible? Is it because they are attracted to each other?
I keep falling back to the idea that although attraction might draw two people together it will eventually fade. Attraction seems to me a lot like emotions. It may come and go. One of my housemates noted the other night that a good analogy is that the initial flames of a relationship would later result in smoldering coals– a deeper, hotter, and longer lasting source of heat that outlives the flames. He also noted that a flame could still be started from the coals.
This keeps bringing me back to the idea that loving someone is ultimately a choice. A choice that, if you commit to marrying someone, you need to make anew every day. I find this similar to our relationship with God and our neighbor. There are days when we may doubt, and question, but ultimately it is a choice and a commitment.
Money: Is this the blind spot of our generation? Was the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah about sexual perversion and homosexual gang rape? Or was it more about arrogant wealth:
‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen. Ezekiel 16:49-50
Are we arrogant, overfed, and unconcerned about the billion+ people that live on less than $1 per day?
I have to thank my friend Grant for pointing me to that verse above. Wealth and income in are a taboo in the Church. How do we overcome this? Everything I have comes from God. What individual and corporate disciplines do we need to subject our wealth and income to the reign of the Kingdom? Can this be done with love and encouragement and without legalism?
Racism: Racism is still an issue in this country. How it manifests itself and what we do about it might be open to debate, but I don’t think it’s existence is. I worship in a predominantly white, wealthy church. Less then ~5 miles away there are Church’s where poor African Americans and other minorities worship. Our streets are safe and well lit. Theirs are more dangerous and have blood stains from shootings.
This side of 101 is mostly white, Asian, and Indian. The other side is predominately black and Hispanic. We can go through our normal every day lives over here and never hear hear about or see the poverty, the gentrification of their neighborhood, or the violence. Why is East Palo Alto the way it is?
Does our theology play a role? My heart says yes.
War: They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore. Isaiah 2:4
War seems so counter to the heart of God and to the message and mission of the Jesus (ask yourself who would Jesus bomb?). Our country is currently at war and yet we don’t talk about it in the Church. Why is this? Are we all somehow complicit, through our lifestyles and consumption, in our government’s choice to go to war?
Father help us.
A lot of questions, and few answers. Does anyone have any thoughts?
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I think we definitely talk about marriage in church. It’s talked about all the time in my opinion. As a single person, I actually find it kinda annoying because it’s not always applicable. I think we definitely talk about racism also, only it’s under the heading of “multi-cultural” or “multi-ethnic” church.
In my church, we do talk about war, but perhaps it’s not talked about in other churches because they believe something about the war that cannot be reconciled to the bible. Most churches that believe the war is right have preached about it. I’ve heard on different radio talk shows (I guess this isn’t really considered a church, but it is the church) that talk about what a “just war” is.
Most of the people who don’t talk about it, don’t support it and are afraid that other “Christians” who do support it will rail on them.
Who would Jesus bomb? Revelation says that Jesus will ‘bomb’ a lot of people.
Infatuation - infatuation lasts about two years. After that, one has to choose to remain married. Unfortunately, the “church” does not model this, the vast majority of Christians leave a church at two years, because it “doesn’t work” and they don’t have any friends. The personality types that are attracted to the ministry are characterized as those who can’t form commitments past two years. Few (none?) churches make the analytical analysis of allthe friendship links of the staff, see how they are maturing, and proactively keep the “love” alive. After two years, most churches are horribly ingrown, and no new people can break in. Churches need to get beyond the “two year infatuation point”, and model it in the lives of their staff, as well as the life of the body of the church.
Two Income Trap - this is well documented in a few books out there. In general, women marry “up”. And, their kids tend to be half a social class higher than the higher of the two spouses. Economically, the game plan usually goes like this: A. Both work and save money for a down payment. B. Scrape together enough to buy a starter home in a remote suburb (three area codes away!). C. Have a couple of kids (and the drop in income). D. Move to decent suburb, so kids have a chance at a decent college. This move is usually based on the equity in the starter home, and horribly leverages the income of one earner. It requires lots of cars and lots of gas and lots of time.
Breaking this cycle involves a mix of homeschooling, private schools (including charters) and public schools. That way, people can live in moderate housing, depend on one less car and less commuting. And, people have the longevity of living in one place, not trading up every few years. Part of the rootlessness of churches stems from the rootlessness caused by the ever-striving moving up.
Long Commutes - these take up so much time and emotional energy, that they eat into family and church life. Starter homes are no longer “a couple miles out”. Now, there are two hour commutes.
Marrying Young - Most pastors marry young. A single pastor is almost unemployable, and seminaries aren’t the place to find a bride. So, grab one when you are 21, before you get your Bachelor’s degree. As a result, most pastoral marriages model a blue-collar marriage, not the upper-middle class marriage style of most couples. Most laypeople have no problem with the existence of this dichotomy, but time priorities soon take over, and these families build networks outside the church.